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Mr.Sunshine

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I just don't want to be alone anymore. [Dec. 2nd, 2006|10:33 am]
Mr.Sunshine
[I'm feeling: |lonelylonely]

I haven't slept but I can't close my eyes. Dallas sunrise. Beautiful as ever. Where am I going with this? Efforts rebuked once again. This is unhealthy but I don't know how to be healthy anymore. I need fingers in my hair and a lap to rest my head. I'm so tired of this. I'm tired of myself. Bad luck. I've really gone off the deep end this semester. Too much of some things and not enough of others. Never enough. I'm dying for someone to love me. Genuine, affectionate love. The kind that doesn't wear out after a little while. The kind that makes everything alright when it's really not. It never really is. I don't want to die but I don't want to go through this either. Please, somebody pull me out. The water's really cold and I just want to get out. I feel inadequate, unattractive, and damaged. I am inadequate, unattractive, and damaged. I don't know if I'll ever be comfortable. Right now, more than anything, I just want to wake up next to someone. I don't even want sex. I just want to wake up next to someone. I just don't want to be alone anymore.
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(no subject) [Nov. 30th, 2006|03:53 am]
Mr.Sunshine
[I'm feeling: |crankycranky]

I woke up with terrible chest pains. I had the worst hair for a couple of blocks. I didn't have time for a drive before Dallas. My left foot started acting up again. I sat outside in a line for two and a half hours. I stood on a bad foot for almost four hours. A lady yelled at me. A fat man sweated on me. And a more enthusiastic fat man dry humped me. I walked around for 15 minutes without a jacket in 20 degree weather, freezing rain, and without a cigarette. I ran at moderate speed into an opening car door. My arm is bruised. I ate too much. I froze some more. I burned my fingers really badly on a cigarette. We hydroplaned a billion times and on one special occassion were blinded and surrounded by 18-wheelers. My fingers still hurt. I have a test tomorrow. But Blue October was nice and school might be cancelled and that will literally make everything okay. For real. I'm dying.
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Don't act strange. [Nov. 28th, 2006|04:27 am]
Mr.Sunshine
[I'm feeling: |tiredtired]

She's on all the things that keep me up
She's done everything there is to know
Without everything there is no glow
But a drop on a scarf in the middle of the winter
Has said more than you ever did baking in the summer

So much coffee, so much essay. Weather's nice though. I need to get healthy but there isn't enough free time to do so. A shame. Winterbreak will be wonderful and swollen with leisure and lethargy. Dallas lights are beautiful in the dead of the night. My life's very strange.
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Aren't you alone? [Nov. 7th, 2006|05:11 pm]
Mr.Sunshine
[I'm feeling: |lonelylonely]
[Listening to: |The Ashes - "Alone"]

I almost made it a year without destroying a life that's close to mine
I almost made a case that proves there's hope for me
But now no evidence remains

It's in the air this time of year
The need to float and then eventually disapear
The need conquer, to spread the love around
The need to idolize, come here

I've always had enough
I've always had enough
Aren't you alone?
Aren't you alone?
Aren't you alone?
Aren't you alone?

You've been blessed with energy in life
Am I abusing it?
Misusing it tonight?
In only seconds I can tear the whole thing down
And take us both out into the bright light
I promise you will be scared too
I promise you will be scared too

I've always had enough
I've always had enough
Aren't you alone?
Aren't you alone?
Aren't you alone?
Aren't you alone?
- The Ashes
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No one ever thought I'd be getting smaller in the rear-view mirror [Oct. 25th, 2006|11:57 pm]
Mr.Sunshine
[I'm feeling: |infuriatedinfuriated]

Nothing fits. Nothing feels right. It's just one of those nights that comes by once a week. I hate myself for doing this. I HATE myself for doing this but I can't help it. I can't do this. I don't want to do this anymore. Somebody can't always be in arms reach. I need to change. I really want to change. I want to fucking change. Fuck.

I'll take it over
Not out from under
Too late too cover
Won't take another

Too bad I'm not ashamed and I'm ready to die
To escape from this pain, yes I'm ready to die
No doubt it was dumb but I needed to try
No way I'd escape from those beautiful eyes

But now I'm a whole lot quicker
Your sweetness you cold sinner
Sweat dripping through, drowning quicker
Your sweetness you cold sinner

I DON'T WANT TO FEEL ANYTHING PLEASE MAKE ME STOP FEELING JUST FOR A SECOND I WANT TO STOP I WANT TO STOP I WANT TO STOP

"Going Home"
Nothing fits like it used to
No one sings like they should
So I'll sit in my room with my pen and a drink
I'll write my way out of here
Things don't sound like they used to
I cant sleep like I used to
So I cry in a place where there's still too much space
I'll find a way out of here
It could be worse than what you've had
I didn't know it'd hurt this bad
You're going home
You're going home
Nothing tastes like it used to
Nobody sings the way you do
So I'll sit in my car with the windows down
I'm driving out of here
- For Karan
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From now on! [Dec. 31st, 2005|01:05 am]
Mr.Sunshine
So yeah, I'm gonna use this thing from now on just for songs and poems I wrote. So yeah, tell me what you think. From now on.
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FUCK [Oct. 26th, 2005|10:10 pm]
Mr.Sunshine
I'm feeling sick. Someone hit me.
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Please get out of my car. [Sep. 30th, 2005|12:26 am]
Mr.Sunshine
[I'm feeling: |cynicalcynical]
[Listening to: |Old 97's - Won't Be Home]

All I do anymore is write songs and watch movies. Think I need some direction? Pshhh, you wish. I really need to learn to play the drums. I need to do a lot of things before December. I guess I really don't have too much to say. What a shame. Everyone should go to the Mezoic and Oh,Boring Me shows cause uh yeah, they rock sorta a bit. Do it bitches.
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Carousel [Aug. 21st, 2005|11:00 pm]
Mr.Sunshine
[I'm feeling: |jealousjealous]
[Listening to: |Blink 182 - Carousel]

I talk to you every now and then. I've never felt so alone again. Find myself at a wishing well. My mind's running like a carousel. Here I am standing on my own. Not a motion for the telephone. I know not a reason why solitude's a reason to die. Just you wait and see. How true love is a, it is an awful dream. Aren't you feeling alone? I guess it's just another, I guess it's just another, I'LL FIND A WAY TO STICK HIM, night alone. This verse has been running on repeat all day. Rings true.

I saw Last Days yesterday. Wow, how boring and depressing at the same time. It was beyond artsy but still struck a chord in my throat. Michael Pitt did a fabulous job playing a junkie. JUST PLAIN FABULOUS. I want to grow up with bruises on my arms. Anyways, yes go see it cause it's definitely worth seeing once. Of course, I'm gonna end up seeing it like five times cause I'm gonna drag every one of you to it. Oh, Boring Me is moving along slowly. I've written an album's worth of songs and plan to record in November (only six of them). Should be plenty of not so expensive fun. I must remember to put a nice big fat disclaimer in the sleeve of the what, ten copies that will ever be made, that it's all a big joke and I really don't have any feelings whatsoever and every word I sang was a big fat lie. It's half true. Half of it's fake and the other half I'll just have to lie about. Don't hate, congratulate? I'm left clueless on what to name the 4th song. It must be provocative and upsetting to atleast one person. Yah know, I can remember the exact day when I decided that I dont' care if I'm an asshole anymore. Or maybe I'm lying. The album's a lie. Dont' listen to it. You won't want to hear what I want to say. I swear to God I'll find a way to stick him. Night alone. Clay you must sit in with me on Son of a Gun. YOUR CULT STATUS WILL GIVE ME SOME SORT OF FOLK LEGITMACY. I'm a joke though so who knows.
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Ashamed of what I say. [Apr. 12th, 2005|05:53 pm]
Mr.Sunshine
[I'm feeling: |infuriatedinfuriated]
[Listening to: |Weezer - "Tired of Sex"]

Today, with two lunches, still managed to suck a whole lot. I've managed to feel incredibly inadequate at about a billion things spread out between seven periods. So many things feel a thousand times harder than they ever did cause I'm looooooosing it, woohoo! All my fears are coming true, blargh. I want to I want to I want to I need to escape and sooooooooon. So go on and take everything, take everything, I want you to. Violence. I'm the one with no soul. One above and one below. Might last a day but mine is forever. Went to Chuy's with Ally and Sarah after school. It was a nice change of pace. Blacker day and darker night, we share this paralyze. Why do I feel completely and utterly alone?
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